Ponderous

I am feeling ponderous today about my continued struggle with forgiveness. I feel that in the recent past I had to endure some things that were unwarranted and unnecessary. I have since forgiven the people involved yet keep coming back to the same heated emotions when I think about how I feel toward that event. I guess I am not sure if the feelings are surfacing in reaction to thinking of the event and feeling wronged or toward the people and my struggle with trusting them again. Maybe it is both. I think that it makes sense to ask a question that Eckhart Tolle asked in his book, A New Earth, “What is my relationship to the present moment?” I guess it is non-existent if I am stuck dwelling on the past and still harboring negative emotions and thoughts about this. I have let it go but my ego refuses. I think it is difficult when it still holds relevance to my current activities with people I see often. I need to continually remind myself to think about my relationship with now. If I can stay present it is much more likely I will dwell in the past. I think understanding that my relationship to the event is over and in the past is something I need to work on letting go. I am trying to have a relationship with now not the past or future. I HOPE that I can continue to hone my now skills and stop worrying or attaching to things that no longer need my attention. I feel at this point I may just have pondered my way through that lesson. I have redirected my relationship to now and will not waste another word,thought or feeling on this.

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