I am preparing to register for grad school and am feeling a little nervous. I am amazed at how stressful just the thought of going back to school is. I think the process seems more daunting then the actual idea of being in school again. I was thinking about going to see a counselor again just to get some perspective and process through all this anxiety. What is it about taking risks that is so scary. It has got to be the fear of the unknown, of rejection, of failure. I am working on becoming more confident in myself and my abilities. I HOPE that I can do this in the near future. I also feel like the last few posts have been dry and lame. I HOPE for more exciting content. “Twenty years from now you’ll be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the things you did. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the traidwinds in your sails. Explore. Dream.” -Mark Twain.
I have been working a whole lot and in the past couple days started to understand what it means to feel overdone and exhausted. I know that I must be using every last ounce of energy because I have fallen asleep very quickly and slept very soundly. I would like to say that sleep is the best medicine ever. I am convinced that it does more for me more for people then most medication. It can be difficult to get to sleep and for that people will pay for medication. I tend to utilize a little benadryl if I ever have insomnia. It helps get me back into a good sleep cycle. Without sleep people can get psychotic and hallucinate, become irritable and irrational and any number of other things. “The best bridge between despair and HOPE is a good night’s sleep” -E. Joseph Cossman. It is not only amazing to feel what a good night’s sleep can do it is also awesome to see how someone can turn into another person with good sleep. Having seen it first hand for years in the psychiatric units it is one of those little miracles I feel blessed to witness from time to time. Sleep is so great they intentionally put people into coma’s or sleep like states to help them heal themselves more quickly. What an awesome gift. I HOPE that anyone out there who suffers from lack of sleep can find a way to get good sleep. It has the power to change your life. I also hope that it aids me in my weight loss. According to an Irish proverb, “A good laugh and a long sleep are the two best cures for anything”.
I am in a really sad place today. I feel very emotional and overwhelmed. I am realizing it may have something to do with the fact that I started weight watchers again and struggle to focus on that along with all the rest of my life. This leads to the feelings of being overwhelmed along with thinking about going back to school. I have no place holding a pity party, I feel lucky to have the opportunity to go back to school. This day made me HOPE that in the future if I lose all of my reasoning there is a loving and compassionate person there to take care of me and keep me safe. I am grateful that I have a job, a house, three great kids and a loving husband. So, then why am I feeling so blue? I think it is an emotion and that is all. I am sad and may need to cry a little but will be okay. I know that this feeling is on the move and I will soon be feeling some other emotion and thinking about something else. Until then I HOPE I can accept this emotion for what it is and just feel my way through it. I read something recently that said, “when you reach the end of your rope, tie a knot in it and hang on.”-unknown.
I am so sorry for my recent neglect to the blog. I have been busy with my family loving summertime and working. I have missed the opportunity to pour out what’s on my mind and my heart. It continues to become more evident that our country is in a state of insecurity. We had lines running outside the emergency room door the other day and I am pretty sure it has something to do with people feeling insecure with the more recent violent events in our country. One of our most basic needs is safety and people can become more unstable and unpredictable as they feel decreased personal safety. I do not agree that the media is the most powerful entity on earth but I do believe that it is playing a large part along with social media in creating fear and perpetuating violence. “The media’s the most powerful entity on earth. They have the power to make the innocent guilty and to make the guilty innocent, that’s power. Because they control the minds of the masses.” -Malcom X. I think that it is up to every individual to live with integrity and love. Fear is an illusion that keeps people from understanding that we are all connected. Fear drives us apart and fear can unite us. I HOPE that our country will become more united by these events instead of growing further apart. There is a greater plan.
I would love to build a tiny house to put on a lake somewhere. We love to tent camp with the kids and our tent is close to the same size as a tiny cabin would be. I could not imagine staying in a tiny home for more than a week with all five of us but it seems like a great idea that could give us the dream vacation home we could afford, somewhere beautiful. Sounds like a dream especially considering the amount of work we still have to do on our own tiny home to utilize all of our available square footage. Dreams are great! “The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.” -Eleanor Roosevelt. If we did not have children I could absolutely see us living in a tiny home. We only have a little over 1300 square feet in our current home which may seem like a mcmansion to some but with 3 young children it can seem like the walls are closing in at times. I am grateful we have a home of our own and plan to continue to HOPE and dream for the future. As long as we have each other home could really be anywhere. I sure love them!
Yum, granola! I am cooking up a couple batches today while I wade through boxes in our basement, after moving into our new room. I am so grateful for the little things, like the smell of cooking granola. The giggles from my little guys playing with old toys again for the first time, after finding them downstairs. It is the simple things in life that bring me joy, from moment to moment. “Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication” -Leonardo Da Vinci. This post will be simply short and sweet. Enjoy every moment for all it’s worth. We only have this one life after all. I HOPE that I can simply appreciate everything around me as it is.
What is violence? According to the oxford dictionary, behavior involving physical force intended to hurt, damage, or kill someone or something. Isn’t that the same thing many people watch on tv, movies, internet for enjoyment in our culture? If you are someone who has never watched a violent thing then this does not apply to you but I am willing to bet that most people have watched something with violence in it, without turning it off or changing the station. When we as a culture accept and ask for more violence to watch in the form of tv, video, video games, etc, it should not surprise us when people act out the same roles in everyday life. Many of us poses the cognitive skills to weigh right from wrong but a good amount of people being born with in-utero exposure to drugs, who have experienced head traumas or who abuse drugs are not as capable of determining right from wrong. I do not believe this is the reason why so many violent acts continue to happen but it certainly is a contributing factor. We want people to treat each other with love and respect yet we live in a culture that glorifies violence. I believe as a culture we began to lose our sense of national security around the time of 911. Since that time we have continued experience traumatic acts of violence on US soil. Unfortunately many of the most recent attacks come from our own citizens acting against one another. These events are leaving people feeling unsafe and like we can not count on one another to tackle problems in a non-violent and humane manner. We have historically lived together, worked together and come through huge trauma together. At this point in history turning against others within our own country only breeds more violence and insecurity amongst us. We have developed through many struggles and acts of violence in our history and I HOPE for my children’s sake we will come through this time more united and supportive of one another. Everyone needs to feel safe, according to Maslow it is one of our most basic needs. Without that it can thwart all our other actions.
“The Paradoxical Commandments”
People are illogical, unreasonable, and self-centered.
Love them anyway.
If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish ulterior motives.
Do good anyway.
If you are successful, you will win false friends and true enemies.
The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow.
Do good anyway.
Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable.
Be honest and frank anyway.
The biggest men and women with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest men and women with the smallest minds.
Think big anyway.
People favor underdogs but follow only top dogs.
Fight for a few underdogs anyway.
What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight.
People really need help but may attack you if you do help them.
Help people anyway.
Give the world the best you have and you’ll get kicked in the teeth.
Give the world the best you have anyway.”
― Kent M. Keith, The Silent Revolution: Dynamic Leadership in the Student Council
I really had to stop myself from changing how these commandments were written because I do not believe that everyone acts like this. I believe there are still many people in this world that are trustworthy and loving, and will not treat you poorly. I also believe that you can accomplish great things and leave your mark in a positive way, no matter who you are on this earth. This is the true optimist inside of me talking. The reason I like this list is because this world can eat us alive if we let it. I also feel it suits the current tone of events in our country with humans killing other humans because of their occupation, position, race, sex etc. It is sad to see the amount of judging and generalizing many people are participating in these days. I feel like the culprit here can not all be ignorance. I think it has more to do with the above paradox, “helping people who may attack you anyways.” I happen to do this on a daily basis when people are hospitalized for mental illness and can become extremely violent. That is a calculated risk I take every day I work, but I feel it is a risk I am willing to take to help those people who need help. Unfortunately as humans we do not always recognize when we need to ask for help and asking for help can make people feel vulnerable and helpless. I believe, in big part due to our culture, we have ego’s of epic proportions. When that is the reality on such a large scale people can become unwilling to see anything other than what they want to. We essentially blindfold ourselves. It may even be comparible to a child refusing to hear what a parent is asking them to do. I HOPE that in the future people can begin to open themselves up to peace and forgiveness.
The way to peace means turning the other cheek and accepting that the negative actions of one do not determine the actions of all.
Love and forgive people anyway.
There is never a winning side to violence.
It has been brought to my attention lately while binge watching documentaries on Netflix that our country is great a keeping people dependent upon oodles of different things from sugar in food, to prescription drugs, to charity and more. It is a system that truly gives out fish but is reluctant to teach anyone to fish for fear of losing their dependence. It is disturbing to me that for the majority of my life I have given to the poor in the form of charity only to find that the foreign aid we provide out of the kindness of our hearts is really working against developing countries and much of the time inhibiting their development. I don’t want to support charity that puts the people I am trying to help out of business nor do I want to ignore the greater issue that is not being addressed here at home and abroad, dependence. It is my understanding that our government supports people with the assistance of welfare and this is a kindness on the surface but in the long run it encourages dependence when it is never ending aid rather than mere assistance while people are being educated and working to find jobs and housing for themselves. I am aware that not everyone looks at the welfare system as a beneficiary, but many do and their children learn from them that this is the way to view this resource. It shocked me to find out that foreign aid to developing countries does not stop for months or years after a natural disaster. Therefore, if people in that community wanted to make a living selling goods and getting back on their feet they can not because they can not compete with free. In this manner we make these communities dependent on aid, these communities that want to develop and grow. I don’t believe that anyone starts out in this world thinking I want to live in poverty and never have aspirations or dreams for myself and my family. It also concerned me to find out that many people in developing countries will place their children in orphanages on purpose and visit them weekly knowing they could be adopted by someone from another country. They do this because parents want the best for their children and if the only way they know their children will receive food, shelter, clothing and education is by placing them up for adoption in an orphanage then that is what they do. I feel like I have been in the dark on these issues for years. Even in the mental health system their is this undertone that keeps people dependent on the system, that is why Mary Ellen Copeland invented the WRAP program or wellness recovery action plan. As a mental health patient herself,she felt she was not being given the right tools or education in or out of the hospital to reach sustainable functional recovery. Marsha M. Linehan, who invented DBT or dialectical behavior therapy, was diagnosed with schizophrenia herself, and experiencing what doesn’t work propelled her to create modalities that do. I am HOPEFUL that in the future more people will start to recognize the brokenness of a system based in dependency and work to develop new ways to help people in a more sustainable way. I think we need to start thinking about teaching independence and collaboration rather than dependence because that is a much more helpful donation to our brothers and sisters then a dirty bandaid. It’s time for a hand up rather than just a hand out.