Post Pause

It has been a great while since I posted anything. I think there are many reasons for that but more recently I have discovered that I am very hard on myself and a perfectionist in many ways. My perfectionistic ways have led me to avoid many things in my life because I feel I can not complete them to the level that I feel they should be. I used to think that perfectionistic types were more concerned with making a piece of art perfect or any number of other specific things. Well, I was stunned to find out that I am right in the trenches myself. It is slightly less literal with me and more abstract in its applications to my life but no less destructive. I am working really hard on figuring my baggage out and how it continues to effect my life in the way that I live it. It turns out I need to have a lot more self forgiveness and less persecution. I am great at analyzing things into the ground for myself and at times with others. I am working to learn how to give myself a break and make mistakes. This seems like a trivial concept to some but I grew up learning a great deal of unhealthy ways to manage my emotions along with a sprinkling of shame and distrust. I am working now on learning to trust myself and dispel continual thoughts of fear and self doubt. I am a work in progress who just happens to be perfect in every way to my God. Wish I could see myself the way he see’s me. Even how my good friends see me would be better then how I see myself much of the time. It is time for all of that to change and I am going to make that happen one day at a time. “Forgive yourself, you are not perfect. Show yourself grace; you are still learning. Show yourself patience; you are on a journey.” I HOPE for increasing forgiveness of myself in all areas of my life. I know God forgives me, now I need to.